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We have started week three of Fase 2 of the gradual re-opening of Italy and I am a bit behind. Last week, “week two”, began coincidentally with the arrival of the hot and dusty scirocco-- winds that start in the heat and sand of the Sahara, travel across the Mediterranean sea, picking up humidity on the way, arriving here to give us a week of heavy glaringly bright white-grey skies, unseasonably hot hazy days, and too- warm nights.
As if it were summer, the early mornings were busy with women making the rounds: butcher, forno (oven), salumeria (deli), caseficio (for cheese or milk), grocery store and, now that we can, to the merceria for a needle and thread and to exchange the gossip gathered on the way. The men who have no chores out in the countryside make different rounds, walking from one end of the main piazza to the other and back again, maybe taking a caffé (standing outside) now that we can, gathering here and there in small clusters to discuss whatever matters seemed most important. As if it were any normal week, everyone disappears by 1pm. Shops are locked and shutters are dropped down across the entrance; the streets go quiet. The lockdown was this all day, but now there is again a suggestion of rhythm.... Midweek, the vegetable seller from nearby Teggiano finally returns to our narrow streets, lively napoletano folksongs and pop crackling from the loudspeaker of his small white truck as he makes his way around slowly, stopping wherever an aproned signora stood on the sidewalk outside her door, or shouted after him when the timing was off. Beneath the canopied wagon with the sides rolled up and tied are crates of fresh produce and a scale. As if it were summer, fase 2 and the scirocco brought back our evenings. At 4;30 or 5pm here the shops are all open again. By 5;30 or so the piazzas and streets begin to fill. On my way home from the studio, as the sun is going down, I pass two teenagers walking by hand-in-hand. He carries a bouquet of roses. She is smiling behind her mask. Behind them is another couple, arms wrapped around each other tightly. Lovers and friends can go and find each other now. A group of younger boys speed whooping down a cobblestone street on bicycles. A group of girls all wearing the same white sneakers and the same blue masks roll their eyes. Older bicycles carry older people, rolling slowly through the streets or around the piazza. Everyone gets a gelato now that we can. Or something from the forno—a folded up pizza or a small calzone. The signoras have taken off their aprons and gather on benches here and there, short legs dangling. In the small piazza in front of our apartment, every bench is taken and there is a small group on the steps of the church. The toddlers from across the way are chasing a ball, stopping only to scream “macchina!” in Romanian whenever a car goes by. Their slightly older friend plays big sister, making rules for them to follow. House martins fly swooping and dodging from their nests under the eaves and back again. The Indian couple is sitting close together, their baby girl in the stroller watching everything wide-eyed. It takes a little silliness on my part but she smiles and then laughs. The two young African men have changed out of their bright yellow roadwork overalls and are on their balcony across from the church. It is 9pm, just now dark… we go inside to cook a quick plate of pasta with artichokes collected earlier today from the garden. The noise from the street and the piazza comes through the open kitchen window as we eat, the cool white wine mixing with the slightly bitter chokes to make my tongue tingle with sweetness.
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(first published May 13, 2020)
The wind is warm today and carries the scent of smoke, a sense of Africa, the feeling that maybe I am nearer the sea than I think. I am feeling distracted by all the hundreds of shades of green on the mountainside and the hundreds more out in the fields. I am feeling unsettled by small and large disappointments. I gave up cynicism one winter when a large chunk of it chipped off and fell into pieces along with my heart. It seemed like too much to add to the work of reconstruction, so I mostly let it go. That’s not to say that my idealism always rides out proudly in front of the parade. I can see things for what they are. It just means that I’m bound to feel my failures and the failures of my fellow humans a bit more forcefully than is comfortable. Failures, mostly, to act lovingly. I should stay away from the news, close my Facebook account; stop talking to people who tell me things that hurt to know. There is corruption in my village. No one is surprised. It’s just like this. There’s no expectation of justice or just-ness. There is impotent outrage. Elsewhere, rivers turn black again. Have we learned nothing? Everywhere, there is evil in high places. There is barbarity, greed. There is a crushing disregard for life, for the sacred. There is senselessness; hatred. Things are veiled. There is power at play. Yes, and there is such kindness that I can barely breathe from the fullness of my heart. People give. There is healing. Stands are taken, justice demanded. Someone says “no” and means it. Collaborations are made to encircle the weak, to protect what cannot protect itself. Someone says “yes” and there is gratitude. Connections happen and nets are woven. Something comes out of hiding. Sometimes it gets hard to hold everything that makes us human—so much dark and so much light. I take all the opposites and place them in the context of the mountainside I walk. There is medicine in the underbrush, in the moist places, in the open sunny rocky sides: what will will help you sleep lives near that will wake you up, what will nourish you near what will kill you, what stops the bleeding near what will bring it on, what cleanses near what poisons, what moistens near what dries, what heats near what cools, what hardens near what dissolves; what binds near what releases… No one is surprised. In our context, what is corrupt lives near what is pure, what gives near what withholds, what hides near what reveals, what crushes near what rises up, what opens near what closes down; what hurts near what will heal. Choose your part and I’ll choose mine. Yesterday the flower moon was in full bloom, embodying all the sensuousness that May overflows with here in this valley and across the peninsula. In 1885, as Naples was recovering from an epidemic of cholera, a song emerged, part of a collection of poetry, written by Salvatore di Giacomo and set to music by Mario Costa. There quite possibly has not been a better love song written in the 135 years since (some romantics are incurable). Today it speaks to a longing I have, still somewhat sheltered/quarantined, still unsure—will I see you again? It speaks to my origins, a feeling that maybe my great-grandfather made a promise when he left here that I’ve come back to keep. The song begins as the memory of one of the two lovers who meet in the month of May, when the air was cool and the smell of roses overflowed from the garden and into your bosom fell clusters of cherries… we sang together. I will never forget it, no, the memory grows even stronger the more time passes. He, of course, must go. She says, oh my heart-- you will leave me and go far away from here. I’ll count the hours, but who knows when you’ll return? He promises to come back, right here to this spot by the fountain, when it is again May and the roses again bloom. If the roses come back, then I will come back. And they meet again, of course, in May, of course, because the wound of love never heals. My heart, I have returned… do with me what you will. This just might be my favorite version of this song, filmed in the midst of the magnificent decay of the city of Napoli, from the film Passione, a 2016 documentary on napoletano music with John Turturro (the subtitles are in Italian, since the song is sung in napoletano): It’s the month of Mary here. You wouldn’t know it. Her chapels aren’t open. No one sings. On my walk through the streets I look for signs that maybe in these unusual times, the old ways have come back. I look for sidewalk shrines, for flowers and a statuette tucked in a niche somewhere; a candle lit in a crack in the wall. So far I find nothing. It can’t be that there’s really nothing though. A goddess doesn’t just disappear like that. Not one like this who’s hidden in plain sight for centuries.
May is the month of Mary maybe because it is the most glorious month of the year in this country. It starts with wisteria, irises, buttercups, columbine, calla lilies, white and yellow asphodel; it unfolds into elderflower, wild orchids, red valerian, and jasmine; it ruptures into roses (the roses!), peonies, and poppies.... Mystical rose, tower of David, tower of ivory, House of gold. It is said that Mary is called on as an intermediate: if you want to speak to a woman’s son, the best way may be to go through his mother first. Is Jesus available? Is this a good time? Can you put in a word for me? Pray for us, O holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. I suspect similarly, that if one would like to speak to a god, but had the opportunity to speak with his mother instead, it would certainly make more sense to do so. Who could possibly be more powerful than she? Catholics and other Christians, please forgive my blasphemy. I just remember as a child, feeling that something was deeply wrong in the Christian teachings I received. I was seven years old when I first remember sensing that I was either being lied to or that there was some terrible flaw in the doctrine. Frequent subsequent theological arguments with my father did nothing to shake my suspicions (or change his mind… it did not occur to me then that pitting my 10 or 12 or 16, 17, 18 years of personal sensitivity against a millennium of belief would prove to be unproductive). At 19, on my first visit to the Basilica di San Pietro in Rome, standing in the cool of the marble and gold, I suddenly and inexplicably could barely breathe and was overwhelmed by tears. I was not overcome by the Holy Spirit, but by horror and grief. I’d spent too much time in the woods by then to find awe in the arms of a bloodied cathedral. Unable to call myself either Catholic or Christian, it is therefore strange to me that a feeling of some deep and ancient truth rises up inside me when I consider this figure. She is familiar to me, as close as a sister. It’s as if I remember who she was before they covered her head and named her Mary. Virgin [one-in-herself] most powerful, morning star, queen of angels. In her smaller chapels and shrines here that are mostly light-filled and airy, I have a different feeling than I might in another church. In this month of May women usually meet here in these spaces every night after dinner. They bring fresh flowers. They pray, interspersing the rosary with songs. Between the words, between the appeals for tenderness, comfort, for protection or prayers; between talk of her child and his father, lies something unspoken, something pregnant and powerful. (It isn’t her son we’ve been waiting for.) We wake on Monday to the sound of jackhammers and shouting. It’s early. Annamaria’s botteca isn’t even open yet. I get up and go to the large windows in the living room. The small piazza is full of trucks.
It’s begun. We’re in the beginning of our return to “normalcy” and the fiber optic cables must be laid. While I have frequently lamented the internet service here and have longed for a more stable connection, I think I will miss the vintage two-tin-cans-and-a-string feel of my current communications. I also will miss the very quiet mornings we’ve had for the past two months. Spring is ripening, warming. Green has reached the top of all the nearest mountains. We are almost on the verge of early summer. I know that once there were more names to seasons than just four (with the occasional addition of “early” and “late”) and am disappointed for the losses of language. If I say, “it’s just when the wild oats are nearly at the milky stage and the wild barleys and wheats are ripening, but just as the cultivated cereals are beginning to send up their seed heads”, would you know what I mean? I make the rounds. I have errands to do! I have errands that I CAN do that aren’t shopping for food! But there’s some of that too. First I call our Indian neighbors. Are you home? Of course they are. Though when they open the door, Sabbi is getting ready to go to work. The restaurant he works has been closed for months but the owner has found work for him to do during this period anyway so he can keep his little family fed. His wife and their baby come down the stairs behind him. She smiles shyly, as she usually does, and we make small talk with almost no words in common. The baby’s head is full of glossy black hair. It’s grown so much they’ve had to cut it already, says the proud father. The little one is 5 months old. She is studying me intently with large dark eyes. I pull down my mask for a moment so she can see my smile. She still isn’t sure what to make of me. It’s been awhile since I’ve held her and chatted with her. Her father says she hasn’t been outside in all this time, not even once, so the sunlight and noise fascinate her into wide-eyed silence. I hand them the small bagful of hand knit sweaters that my architect’s mother has been making, one after the other, for weeks on end now. These are the ones that are too small for her new granddaughter, seven months old and anyway always much bigger than this little one. I go to buy a few more plants for our garden and when I arrive at the small hardware store there are already several other bicycles propped up against the tree in front or near the gate of the yard where the plants and other outdoor materials are. The “line” is a loose arrangement of folks, mostly men over 70, chatting. We nod to each other and I understand that I’ll go after the man in the blue mask but before Fernando, who leans his bicycle against the low wall on the other side of the tree to come over and greet me. We first met in the woods one autumn, gathering chestnuts. He gave me all of his, as he was just doing it to pass the time, and, noticing my scratched fingers, showed me how to open the urchins with a stick. I haven’t seen him since before the lockdown began. He’s doing fine. Concerned of course. What can you do? Along with the man in the blue mask we talk about what’s going into the ground now. I’m advised to wait on seeding my pole beans until the wheat matures and to consider a few chickens. The man in the blue mask has 15. We agree that food fresh from one’s own garden is “tutto un’altra cosa” [another thing entirely] and that we are very fortunate. |
MBI added this blog as a way to share some thoughts and experiences around the impact of Covid-19 on my life here in Southern Italy. These posts, originally posted top Facebook, were a near-daily practice during this time and are largely unedited. Archives
June 2022
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